Summer is the Time

It's almost over. I am sad.

Back in June, I would have never said that.

I came into this season so heartbroken. But Margaret is right. This blog is not in vain. There is photographic evidence. This summer has had its ups and downs, but it has been a good time.

Summer is the time for learning about yourself.

When Mandy left, she gave me some good things to think about. 

God wants nothing from me but to love me.

I need to have a little forgiveness for myself

and for everyone around me.

Summer is the time for learning about myself.

School learning is not here to distract me anymore

I am learning

that yes, I do need to have a little forgiveness for myself and for everyone else.

I am learning that is so much easier to say than do.

I am learning that I can be a mean, spiteful person and I do not like that

I am learning that I can do without the self-medication. I don't need it.

I am learning that there is strength in me I did not see before--and not that brute, bullheaded strength that I seem to use very well--but real strength. Strength to be honest. Strength to be vulnerable. Strength to be risky. 

I am learning that I am able to be at peace.

Tonight,

at long last, I felt it and I could blame it on the good company and coffee and music if I wanted, but I don't think that's it.

Yesterday

In church (yes, I went to church!) we took communion. I told God that I was thankful because He had honored my request at the beginning of the summer and had been patient with me. I can't change on my own, I reminded Him, but I know I can get over these hang ups. For now, please remind me to read with You often because I really believe that is part of the cure.

Summer is the time

to realize that you've been distracted

and adulterous

and silly

Summer is the time

to remember what it was that brought you here in the first place.