VW Van

Today

On my way to the boys' house, a VW van turned right at Imperial and Idaho. The man driving it had the hugest grizzly white beard/mustache I have ever seen and to match, he had stuffed palm fronds into either side of the spare tire on front so it looked like his van had a huge mustache as well. I love people.

Beautiful

Tonight, or rather, this very early morning

I checked my facebook one last time and saw that Lexi had left me a wall post that said simply:

you are beautiful

I don't think she could possibly understand how much I needed to hear that. I have felt very ugly for a long time.

It's amazing that in an age of communicating via internet and text messages, things can still be powerful, as these last three entries have demonstrated. Lexi tells me I am beautiful almost every time I see her. I guess I forgot recently. Thanks Lexi, you are one of the most beautiful people I know.

Never

Tonight

I was reminded of how woven God is inside all of us, whether we like it or want it or neither.

Liz promises to never give up on me. The thing with Liz is that she keeps promises more often than other people I know. If she doesn't mean it, she doesn't say it.

I am so thankful for this reminder. God holds us without hands and speaks to us without sounds.

If you won't give up on me

then I won't give up on you

Beth C

Tonight

Beth C told me I have been in her thoughts and prayers a lot recently. That just floored me. But I realize the amazing fact that I am loved even when I find it hard to love myself. Mandy is right.

Voice

Tonight

About to leave the boys' house around midnight when I hear music. I stop and listen. Kyle is playing guitar and singing in his room. It's absolutely beautiful. The kind of music I would drift off to sleep to. I listen for about an hour before finally going home.

Liz

Today

I saw Liz.

:D

Veronica

Today was really hard and long and exhausting

but I got to see Veronica at the National Mall of all places.

Yes <3

The Metro

Today I was in Washington D.C.

We were taking the metro to the convention center and a girl got on after us. She was knock out pretty. Her face lit up when she saw the guy who was standing next to my bench. They began an animated conversation. I could tell they did not know each other beyond seeing each other on the train every other morning. They didn't even know each others' names. they were train lovers.

The Metro is amazing

Song Writing

Today while waiting for my family who was late meeting me for lunch

I wrote a song:

Convictions lead to bad decisions

and though I have no regrets

I still hope that you are listening to me

Consequences bear their reminders

Like scars upon my skin

I am here and you are listening to a life half spent

Could you forgive

my fickle heart

my fickle heart

Could we repair

what we had

That was all we had

Could my soul

Stay sober for you

for you

What I lack

Is self control

for you

for you

I spent weary days in dryness and rain

lacking any compass to navigate

We all take those adulterous treks

through the sand of our regrets

I am yours and you are loving a heart half spent

High Five

Today

My boss gave me a high five after telling me good job working the folding machine. It was all I could do to keep from falling over and crying with mirth. We can never understand each other because English is not his first language. Luckily the high five transcends culture.

Snorkel

Today

I was at the boys' house and the landlords came over to inspect and chat. Their 4-year-old son Benjamin was in Kyle's room with us, brandishing a snorkel at us and making gunshot noises. We were listening to Lakers on the radio. Kyle, in his wheelchair, slowly rolled after the little boy down the hall and into the entryway where I could see them through the window and open front door. It was like a really slow, really epic, really creepy chase scene.

I laughed so hard I almost cried.

Downtown Disney

Today

Outside the confectionary at Downtown Disney, I watched a heavily tattooed couple push their baby in a stroller. They stopped right in front of us and the mom shoved a piece of pizza at the baby's mouth and kept lightly tapping him with it until he took a timid bite. Then they went on their way

Hummingbird

Today

A hummingbird flew so close to my face that I could see its eyes and hear the motor of its tiny wings. Best day ever.