Still

Today

I visited a website that made me feel as if I had intruded upon something sacred.

Dedicated to taking pictures of stillborn babies, the site is full of quiet disturbing images that make my breath catch in my lungs. It is so odd because unlike so many things, there is no wickedness connected to the gruesomeness of the subject matter.

This is just how things happen sometimes. Sometimes people die before they are born.

I do not want to open my heart to these things
I do not want to have to face my deep fears of losing a child.
I do not want to intrude on someone else's private sorrow.

But this is part of my research and it must be done. And as I said earlier, sometimes you have to see a lot of dark in order to recognize light.

This was my moment today--
Not because it was a small joy for which I was thankful
but because I am braving terrain untraveled. I went someplace I've never been before

and it will be a fair amount of effort to reenter.