The Downs

[credit john carter]

Somedays, like today

the small joys, potent though they can be

do not even make a dent

in the great mountain

that is the disappointment the day can bring

I began this blog because I needed to convince myself

That though this summer has been full of disappointment

 and Murphy's Law has wrought havoc on my life,

there are still sweet moments every day

that I can thank my Lord for

and rejoice in the wonder of existence 

But sometimes I fail to convince myself and I am left with

all the things that the small joys are in effort to erase

The disappointment

The anger

The depression

The regret

The restlessness

The loneliness

Today

I told my dad that if things don't change,

I'm finding somewhere else to live for the rest of the summer

Please pray for me

Things have been very hard for a long time

and all the quiet things

are becoming deafening 

I am exhausted.

My energies are spent.